Kevin Daly Shares Thoughts On Children & Thanksgiving

The following is a contribution by Kevin Daly of Houston, Texas

December 28, 1999

Thanksgiving

The other day was Christmas. Again. By its’ very nature, Xmas seems to focus on children. The movies. The ads. Santa Claus. Or not; it might be me.

But after giving it a great deal of thought, I think Thanksgiving may be a more appropriate time to actually focus on children. A time to express our gratitude to, and for, children. Not just our own children, but children in general. I know that doesn’t reflect what we see in the news every day, and maybe that’s a part of why I think that. The “news” about children is always bad. Newborns left in dumpsters. Infants beaten and burned. Neglected children. Under-educated children. Under fed children. Un-loved children. Abducted children. Murdered children. Murdering children. Children on drugs. Children with AIDS. Pregnant children having other children. I have no idea what the number is, but it often seems that 15-20% of the stories on/in the news are stories like this; sad children stories and I sometimes wonder how many similar stories never get reported.

The evidence isn’t anecdotal by any means. Over 3,000,000 children a year reported to CPS for suspected abuse and/or neglect. More than 1,000 per year dead from abuse and/or neglect. Over 1,000,000 in foster homes. Over 15,000,000 living in poverty.

America treats its’ young like chattel. Or, as my own child pointed out to me, "America Eats Its Young". We always have. In the mid 1800’s in Philadelphia, the City of Brotherly Love, one dead child was found in a garbage can every day. Every day.

So maybe the idea of expressing thanks for our children seems silly. We adults have gotten used to thinking of gratitude and thanks as something that our children owe to us. That the children we have brought into the world ought to be grateful to us for all the things that we have given them; an idea, which if shouted loud enough and long enough, is probably itself a subtle form of child abuse.

All I know for sure is that I spoke to my son several days ago, and I am grateful for that.

In every stage of their life, children give every bit as much as they get. As infants, they give us the mere pleasure of their existence. As small people, they give us the pleasure of letting us watch them learn and grow. As teenagers, difficult as it may seem at times, we enjoy watching them find their own moral and intellectual compasses, knowing we had something to do with it. And as they become adults, we quietly watch with muted pride as they enter the real world as capable, admirable people in their very own right.

I believe that gratitude and thanks, though normally felt on the receiving end, is actually something that is given. And children, of all ages, powerless though they may be at times, give it all of the time. What they give most, oddly enough, is “need”. They need. And most adults who feel needed are given the gift of finding deep within themselves the capacity and ability to answer that “need”.

In a weird kind of way, children make adults become adults because they force us to become grown-ups, which is different from being an adult. They force us to learn compromise, and patience, and that we have the ability and obligation to help others, which can be very satisfying when that someone is small, helpless, and trusting.

So, next Thanksgiving, look around the table. Some of the people there, whatever their ages, are people that you created, and people you owe thanks to.

Thanks owed to them for improving, gladdening, and enriching our lives. I know how many faults I have (to the nearest hundred). And I know all too well how many things I've screwed up as an "adult". But having said that, I also know that I would have been worse, much worse, without my children.

So, Thank You, Jessica. And Thank You, Brian. And, last but not least, Thank You, Jenn.